Of Neither World
by FanfictionWriter83729
Summary: [Oneshot]This is the reflection of Erica Simmons as she sees herself mirrored in Kira. “The young, first generation Coordinators of these times are truly the lost ones.”


**Disclaimer: **Gundam Seed/Destiny doesn't belong to me…obviously.

**Summary:** Set during GS. This is the reflection of Erica Simmons as she sees part of her own self mirrored in one reluctant pilot. "The young, first-generation Coordinators of these times are truly the lost ones."

Of Neither World

**Enter name: Erica Simmons**

**Password: oooooooo**

**Recording:**

The young, first-generation Coordinators of these times are truly the lost ones. I should know, because I am one.

What is it like, to fight against one's own?

For that is the question that each first-generation answers every time they enter the battlefield, every time they participate in some act of war. And it matters not if they fight for the EA or for ZAFT; one's own can still be acknowledged as either Naturals or Coordinators, for the first-generations love both worlds.

The first-generations do not include men like Patrick Zala, or even men like Sigel Clyne. They gave that part of themselves away a long time ago, when they broke off from their parents. And they dishonor themselves still, each time they look down upon Naturals, for it was Naturals who gave birth to them.

No, the first-generations that I speak of are the young ones, the ones who have not learned to hate one side or the other, and will probably never will. We are of both worlds, and yet of neither. We love Naturals, and we love Coordinators equally.

Perhaps it is like the fable of the baby swan raised by duck parents. Not a very good comparison, to be sure, but it does get the point across. For even though the swan is more graceful, and will outdo its fellow ducklings in beauty and strength, it still receives love and care from the duck parents. And it loves the duck parents as well, no matter how much the other ducklings tease it for being different.

It is the same for us as well, us "earthen" Coordinators, the first-generations, Natural-raised and Natural-loved. We are surrounded by Naturals our whole lives, and we learn to love them. And yet we know that we are different. And that is when our Coordinator fellows in space, in the PLANTS, call out to us, and we are so tempted to answer. Even some first-generations on the PLANTS must feel the pull. Even they love Naturals, and hurt each time they destroy one.

It is the dual nature that lies within each true first-generation. Where exactly does the loyalty lie? In nurture or in nature?

Whatever answer we give, it is never enough. We get hurt in the end, especially those of us who serve the Earth Alliance out of love for their Natural parents, siblings, lovers, friends, and children. But even first-generations in the neutral nations feel the pull and strain. We do not know what fighting is for anymore.

We are of neither world. Shunned by the Earth because of our genes and abilities, shunned by the PLANTS because of our parentage and upbringing. And that is the only answer that the world has for those of us. At least, it is the only straightforward conclusion that I have come up with.

I only hope that the accidental pilot for the Archangel reaches a more happy conclusion. I was like him once, wondering what the meaning of existence was. I suppose I still am. And I also questioned my parents, demanding as to why they made me what I am. I'm still looking for an answer.

Because if I had stayed a Natural, then the inner pain wouldn't come up every time I work on new mobile suits, or gaze at the stars, or watch as Naturals and Coordinators rip each other apart. I wouldn't have so many questions without satisfactory answers.

"There are some things which we must protect, and in order to do that, we must fight. And if we must fight in order to protect, then by all means we will fight to the end." Patrick Zala himself said something like that. It is no different for us. But we are protecting something different, and oftentimes, we feel as though we are on the wrong side. And I speak of this from a neutral standpoint. This Kira Yamato must have a worse inner fight on the inside.

I have never been face-to-face with the boy, though I have had glimpses of him. I caught his eye once. They were so full of sadness, for one so young. Like he was older than he actually was. But having your loyalties divided can do that to you. Does anyone else see that? Or only do I notice, because I am like him?

Kira and I, and others like us, truly have no place to belong to.

**End of recording.**

_Erica Simmons leaned back in her chair and rubbed her tired eyes. She hadn't meant for her little recording to go so far. It was only supposed to be a supplemental, opinionated viewpoint on her part to go along with her report on this Kira Yamato, to present to the Orb Council._

_But each word said was true._

_She paused over the keyboard, and decided that it was too personal to be presentable. And very few knew of her status as a Coordinator. A doomed one, like the child._

_Another pain of being a first-generation. You had to deal with shame each time you talked to a Natural, or to a Coordinator. It shouldn't have to be that way, but alas, that was how the world was working at the moment._

_Which meant that she DEFINITELY couldn't show this to the Council._

_She hit the delete button, and started over._

-If I smile and don´t believe  
Soon I know I´ll wake from this dream  
Don´t try to fix me, I´m not broken  
Hello, I'm the lie, living for you so you can hide  
Don´t cry-

_-Evanescence, "Hello"_


End file.
